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Forgive me if this post gets overly long, I tend to ramble when I’m being really open and having friends who are in this group doesn’t make it easy to open up. *waves* “hi friends….”
So, while I’m busy baring my soul and making myself vulnerable, feel free to scream “Get to the point for fucks sake” at your screen. I won’t be offended. Cause face it, I won’t know.
See, I ramble
First some background info to set the mood. I miss girl sex.
Wait, I forgot, background info….. Okay so married 26 years to a great guy who is mono but I have a huge sex drive and hunger for more and he's okay to take it or leave it. I drink, he’s allergic to booze. I'm loud, he's quiet. You get the picture. Needless to say we work hard to make things jive but it does and we’re rock solid.
Anywho, over a year ago I entered a serious relationship with a woman but things didn’t work out and it was ended this Fall. You know when someone says “It’s me not you”? Damn rights it was her.
So, because of how that experience ended, I’m not ready for, nor am I interested in, a serious relationship yet. Although ultimately I share the dream that many poly folk do of a poly family or community where everyone gets along and there’s chickens roaming……….. wait, chickens, wtf? That’s taking rambling too far even for me.
Focus….
So, the dilemma is sex. Well more than just sex, it’s touch. I miss touching a woman….. This is where I pretend my friends aren’t reading this…… With my last two female relationships they were what I’d call pillow princesses, they were happy to let me do everything. Not an ideal situation for a real relationship but for meeting my current needs I’m good with it.
Actually I guess the dilemma isn’t sex or touch it’s HOW do I get those things. Yes, I can read your brain and no, it’s not that easy because …………. Drumroll………
………… you didn’t really do a drumroll but I’m going to pretend you did…………
……… I’m fat. Yup FAT. And I don’t know if you know this but people are attracted to others based on looks. Who knew right?!
If I was looking for a relationship this might not be as big… (as BIG… see what I did there… lol) of a deal because relationships take time and people get to know each other for who they really are so the weight issue becomes less of a deal. But when you’re wanting to ‘hook up’ it’s a barrier.
And yes, before anyone says, “hey have you tried losing the weight”, let me assure you I am actively losing but, for reasons I won’t go into on here, it’ll be up to 4 years before I am at a point where I feel ‘normal’.
So
Yeah
Ummm
*scrolls up to read all this and tries to figure out what to type next*
Options……
I could do ads. But since appearance is the barrier the ads have to be somewhere safe for me to post photos. And in order to respect hubby’s wishes we’re not outed in our community so that’s another barrier to ads.
I could kidnap a pretty lady and ……….. oh wait, that’s not okay.
I could wait until the right time, lady, situation presents itself and while waiting die from wanting.
I could post an open and embarrassing letter on here and see what amazing suggestions my poly sisters have!
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NOTE: My poly sisters were open and loving as well as had some wonderful advice. Over the next few months we'll see where that leads me.
Stay Genuine My Loves ~ Izzy
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