You know the saying “don’t fuck with my head” well I’m here to tell you that, the secret to great sex, is to fuck someone’s brain and fuck it hard core. Frontal lobe, amygdala, left somatosensory cortex, hypothalamus, mmmmmm talk dirty to me baby
Here’s the scenario: you’re unbelievably horny, all you’ve thought of all day is having sex, mind blowing, hard core, go baby go………….. the kids are finally in bed, the dogs are dealt with, you climb into bed, turn to your partner and immediately your fingers reach between their legs and………
Wait, what?
“What do you mean you’re not in the mood? C’mon hunnie, I’m so horny.”
DENIED!
The key here is you spent all day thinking about sex and that, my friend, was your foreplay. What about your partner, what foreplay did they get?
“ummmm, well I was going to…”
Yeah, yeah, coulda, shoulda, woulda…………….. all lead to DENIED and now you’re waiting for your partner to fall asleep so you can masturbate with less guilt.
The point is you have to engage the brain. Science tells us that, in general, men are more sexually stimulated by what they see and hear and women by emotions that are evoked. However, those are generalizations and you need to learn for yourself what brings you to that place where you’re aroused and what takes you all the way to orgasm. Knowing your body means knowing your brain. What do you think about during sex, what turns you on, what makes you go wild with need and, equally as important, what shuts you right down?
Now, here’s the hard part. Once you figure those things out ……….. oh and I should mention those things will change and evolve as you do………. You need to be able to communicate them to your partner. This, hands down, seems to be the hardest thing for people to do. We all worry about being judged for our desires. Yet if we stopped to think about it, we’d realize that if we feel that way, others likely do as well.
Now communicating to a partner can be more challenging if you’re poly or a swinger and honestly a whole essay could be written about this but we’ll leave it here for now.
Okay so we’ve learned about our needs, we’ve communicated, and now sex should be great. Right?
NOT
………………. Okay disclaimer before I continue. I believe we’re all responsible for our own bodies and our own sexual needs so please don’t misunderstand what I’m about to say because it all translates back into it………………The next step is up to your partner.
As they say it takes two to tango, unless you party where I do, in that case it might be up to seven. hahahahaha
...............sorry, okay….. ummmmm ……… *cough* where was I? Yes, it takes a partnership of sorts because good sex is about giving and receiving. Someone who is INTERESTED in being a good lover wants to know what turns you on instead of concentrating on what turns them on. Experienced lovers quickly learn that, when they excite their partner and meet the partner’s needs, they should also have a great experience.
One of the most erotic experiences I ever had was by a stranger in a club who used genuine words to evoke strong emotions. I was gone. BAM. Right there I was quivering and ready. It took all of 30 seconds of him talking and he’d hardly laid a hand on me. He was experienced enough to know to stimulate my mind before my genitals; from that point on I was his.
So the Coles Notes version is if you want to stimulate a male, appeal to what they see and hear. Dress up for them, show cleavage, tease and entice. Talk dirty, tell them what you want them to do you, tell them how it feels.
If you want to stimulate a female engage her emotions. Tell her how much you want her, how sexy she is, how good she makes you feel, tell her all the dirty things you want to do to her.
Yes, I know it’s more complex than that but how much longer do you want to read this blog?
In closing, if you want to be a good lover, fuck with their brain.
